Scandinavian Girlfriend
I met her in Bargain Books
Straight away I went for her looks
She's my Scandinavian girlfriend
We went driving in her rusty old Volvo,
She said "shall we stop?"
How could I have said no?
She's my Scandinavian girlfriend[x2]
Her English was so perfect
It's a pity she was so sarcastic
And now she's back home in her little Swedish town
In an ultra-modern house with the snow coming down
Lying in bed watching pornographic movies,
With her hair up in bunches, looking so groovy
I bought her a little plastic Viking hat
She wasn't so amused by that
She's my Scandinavian girlfriend[x2]
Her English was so perfect
It's a pity she was so sarcastic
And now she's back home in her little Norwegian town
In an ultra-modern house with the snow coming down
Lying in bed with Eric the Red,
Laughing to herself about those things that we said
She's my Scandinavian girlfriend [Repeat]
That's Not Me
[Studio chatter]
I met her when she was in college
She had a big thirst for knowledge
The sort you get from the top shelf
You only end up hurting yourself.
She had me wrapped around her finger,
She's working me like a JCB digger
I watch her dress from under the cover
Every inch the jealous lover
She's got me feeling so depraved
The word in sex and I'm a slave
I'm gonna check into a monastery
And hope they find a cure for me
She bought a pair of plastic handcuffs,
But my mind is already tied up
I'm salivating like a dog
We've come so far since our very first snog
She's got me feeling so depraved
The word in sex and I'm a slave
I'm gonna check into a monastery
And hope they find a cure for me
Trying Too Hard
A flat, B flat, C flat, to D flat,
E sharp, F sharp, H sharp to J sharp
Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Te-Do
I don't know the words, don't care about the chords
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, yes I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying just a little too hard.
Guitars, and banjos, and mellotrons and pianos,
Sonys, and Sanyos, and sharp notes and flat notes
Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-Le-Te-Do
Can't remember the chords
I couldn't give a monkeys about the words
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, yes I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying just a little too hard.
[Random Noise]
Transit vans, where's the fans?
Give me some rock, couldn't give a f*ck,
Stratocasters, Telecasters, Gibsons and Ibsens,
Trip Hop and flip flops, we're trying too hard
We're trying too hard;
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, yes I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying too hard, I'm trying too hard,
I'm trying just a little too hard.
Rupert The Bear
Sometimes you really wind me up
It's hard to take from someone
Who dresses like Rupert the bear
And when you smile I crack like ice on a duck pond,
I check myself and say that
There is really nothing wrong. Aaah
Go on and say what it is that you're gonna say,
By the time you're finished
I'll be half asleep anyway
And when you smile I melt like tarmac on a hot day
I check myself and say that
There's no point in getting wound up anyway
Stupid Love Song
I wrote this stupid love song especially for you
But you probably need it like a pair of snow shoes
Of course it contains sarcasm,
Like I always do
But there's nobody in this world as cynical as you
I love you
But that's the last time you'll hear it from me
Because it doesn't mean so much
When it comes so easily
I'm sick and tired of hearing about some friend of yours
Who's got a garden of roses, and knows all the cures.
We've got a garden of nettles, but
It's a garden in the sun
It has good days and bad days and
It doesn't suit everyone
I love you
But that's the last time you'll hear it from me
Because it doesn't mean so much
When it comes so easily
Yeah [x4]
[Repeat chorus] [Improvisation]
Skyway (Released 1987, written by Paul Westerberg & the Replacements)
High Tension At Boghead
It's half time at Boghead. It's one of those days you get in the West of Scotland where it's sunny and it's snowing and it's raining at the same time. Most of the crowd are waiting for the Celtic and Rangers scores on the tannoy.
This little kid behind me, I suppose purely out of frustration, throws his pie at an ambulance man's head. It hits the ambulance man's head and sends his hat flying into a puddle.
I'm thinking about the times I used to come here when I was about 5, with my big brother. He used to have a duffel bag, with a flask of coffee and a little note-book and he'd take notes at the match.
I was pretty embarrassed to be at a match with such a dick. I suppose he's changed a little bit -a lot- since then.
There was one time I went with my big brother and my big cousin,
I was standing watching the crowd, as I sometimes do these days (as it can be much more interesting than the match). That was the days when I used to think that there was one goal post.
I turned round and my brother and my cousin had disappeared. I was standing on my own. I was finding it all pretty boring so I decided to walk home, all 7 miles. I stopped off in a joke shop on the way home with my pocket-money and bought a gorilla mask.
Take Some Time Out
Take some time out to sort some problems,
There's a whole stock pile of them
Sitting on my doorstep
So I'm taking some time out
The grass is growing,
As fab as ever
I've been living on never never?
I hardly see you at all these days,
So I'm taking some time out
You've been waiting such a long time
You gave up hope then go
[Solo]
Take some time out to sort some problems,
There's a whole stock pile of them
Sitting on my doorstep
So I'm taking some time out
[random noise]
