Lyrics to A Tune A Day

You Take Yourself Too Seriously
{Frenzied shouting}
You take yourself too seriously,
Why don't you just relax for a while,
For a while
You take yourself too seriously
Ease off and allow yourself to smile
To smile
You should let your hair down
Even though it's really short
You're so uptight it hurts
We could pretend that we are still 10 again
You take yourself too seriously
Take your feet off the gas for a while
For a while
You take yourself too seriously
Stretch out for a country mile
For a mile
You could wear flowers in your hair
Pretend there's Peace and Love everywhere
We could go for that new-age bullsh*t
We could pretend that it is the 60s again
You take yourself too seriously
Why don't you just relax for a while
{You could wear that Halloween mask
as the traffic goes flying past
Roll your troubles under your bed
We could pretend that it is the 60s again}

Monday Mornings
[alarm armed, 7:30 am]
Little sparrow sitting on my fence,
Watching a twig rolling into a drain
Everybody's got their umbrellas up again
So melancholy, it's insane
I love Monday mornings don't know why but I do
[repeat]
There's a madness in the sadness
So melancholy underneath that sky of grey
All the shirkers and the office workers
Pneumatic drills and the lives with no thrills
[alarm armed, 7:31 am]
Little old lady with a face like a rat
Mini-Metro with its back tyres flat
Lollipop Man splashing round in the rain
So melancholy it's insane
I love Monday mornings don't know why but I do
[alarm armed, 7:32 am]
There's a magic in the sadness
Milk floats and Scotch porridge oats
Petrol fumes and half-lit bedrooms
It's totally unrealistic but I'm feeling optimistic
[alarm armed, 7:33 am]
Oh dear, oh dear
I'm so glad I got up at this time

Submarine Song
{I’m so tired}
Climbed into my midget submarine,
Turned the lights on and pulled the hatch down
Set sail into the Firth of Clyde,
Up past Shetland and Iceland and Greenland
Do do do, oh I wish you were here [x4]
Cut my toenails as I passed under the North pole
Sent a post card from Alaska,
Headed southwards past Kamchatka
It gets so lonely in the ocean
Do do do, oh I wish you were here [x4]
{Saw an oil drum with the Channel Islands flag
Thought I was 5 miles from my house}
[solo]
I got homesick as I passed around the Antarctic
I felt so small I couldn't handle it all,
Finally I got hope as I glanced into my periscope
I knew I was half way home and I didn't feel so all alone
Do do do, oh I wish you were here [repeat]
{Headed south near Polynesia
It's so lonely in the ocean}

Built to Get Up
Oh, the milk on my corn-flakes
It's the same as any other day
It's just me, that's been dragged backwards through a hedge
And the girl doing the weather
Somehow keeps it all together
But I feel like jumping off a window ledge
I wasn't built to get up at this time [x2]
I'm not the sort of guy that rises and shines,
I wasn't built to get up [x2]
I've got a head-ache, I've got back-ache,
I've got a neck-ache, and I need a break
But I've somehow got to get out of the door
And the DJ on this station
He is so damn irritating
Full of zeal,
Put a teacosy on my head, I can't take any more
I wasn't built to get up at this time [x2]
I'm not the sort of guy that rises and shines,
I wasn't built to get up [x4]
I wish I could turn the clocks back
And spend a couple more hours in the sack,
Getting up at this time of day
Is like climbing Everest the difficult way
Oh the milk...
I never like to get up before nine.

Country Music
{Spoken intro}
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It's the company that I keep,
It's the company that I keep,
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
When I'm lying in my pit
It's George Jones that I flip
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It's the company that I keep,
It's the company that I keep,
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It talks to me in my sleep
It talks to me in my sleep.
I'm feeling a little down
I'm feeling a little trash
I stretch out on my bed and listen to some Johnny Cash
Two angels blowing their trumpets on a Christmas decoration
One of them looked at me while
I was listening to the radio station
Delivery boy arrives
Singing something I can't recognize
But when I do I know it will bring tears to my eyes
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It's the company that I keep,
It's the company that I keep,
The stars look bright tonight in the Northern sky
The moon looks like a piece of flattened silver paper
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
When I'm lying in my pit
It's George Jones that I flip
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It's the company that I keep,
It's the company that I keep,
Maybe, that's why I love country music,
It talks to me in my sleep
It talks to me in my sleep.
{I pull my snakeskin boots on
I look ridiculous
When all my friends are wearing trainers
My friend Christopher is half drunk on wine,
Looking at photographs of snow covered mountainsides
The poster on his wall of a cat breaking into a fridge
I'd really love to hear someone break into a bridge
I'm living in hope}

Motorcycle Parts
Don't patronise me, you stupid big ape
I've got more balls than your heavy metal tapes
I feel things twice as much as you do
I was your girlfriend until ten minutes ago,
But I've pulled the curtain down on that nasty little show
I spent a lot of money and a lot of time loving you
And that Karma(/camera?) you took from me,
I want it back immediately
And those motorcycle parts that I trip over in the dark,
I'm gonna take them out the back,
And smash them up on the tarmac
You'll be on your own at the cinema multiplex,
I'll be at home watching some program about sex
I'd rather watch the TV than be with you
That karma you took from me,
I want it back immediately
And those motorcycle parts that I trip over in the dark,
I'm gonna take them out the back,
Smash them up on the tarmac
Don't flatter yourself, son
You were never that much fun
And those dirty magazines
That you tried to hide from me
I'm gonna send them to your mum
Wouldn't that be fun?

Sheffield Song
Oh, the way that the tears run down the side of your nose
It always gets to me,
But not as much as it does when it was her
And I can't help comparing the two of you
It's like a Formula 1 with a Subaru
Oh yes I'm sorry
Because I love her more than I love you
Yes I love her more than I love you
Oh, you laugh at my jokes, but not as much as she did
And when you put your make up on your eyelids
It's not the same
It's like chalk and cheese, her against you
It's like Motörhead and Radio 2 [alt: Winnie the Pooh]
Oh yes I'm sorry
Because I love her more than I love you
Yes I love her more than I love you
Yes I love her more than I love you
Oh, you always sing when you are taking a bath
But not as much as she sung when she was reading a map
When I was driving
And I like that coat, it really goes with your hair
But not as much as the clothes that she used to wear
When she was mine
Because I love her more than I love you
Yes I love her more than I love you
Yes I love her more than I love you

VW. Song
Take a ride in my VW
If I'm going nowhere
It might as well be with you
Dead flies on my window screen
Heat-haze on sky of green
Sucking on a lollipop stick
You could take the day off sick
Through the villages and towns
Watch the world going round and round
Road atlas on your lap
But your navigation is crap
Out of the suburbs and into the country
It's going to be another sunny day
Service stations and burger bars
Salesmen in fancy cars
Over valleys and under hills
Plant pots on window sills
You've got your feet up on the dash
The world is going by in a flash
Take a ride in your VW
If I'm going nowhere
It might as well be with you
Take a ride in your VW
If I'm going nowhere
It might as well be with you

Idiot
If you want you can buy me a bow-worker for my Birthday
But that doesn't mean necessarily,
That you'll end up with Mr. Musclehead,
A raving stud in your bed
'Cause I'm the greatest that ever lived
Got so much love and joy to give
So handsome and intelligent,
I'm the world's no. 1, suavest gent
But of course I'm not [x2]
I'm just an idiot
If you want I'll get my hair cut regularly
But that doesn't mean necessarily,
That you'll get Bob Dylan, or even Matt Dillon
You'll get a someone instead of a no-one
'Cause I'm the greatest that ever lived
Got so much love and joy to give
So handsome and intelligent,
I'm the world's no. 1, suavest gent
But of course I'm not [x2]
I'm just an idiot.
{I know I'm just a compromise, you could have had so many other guys}
So don't think that you will get an apology,
That's that's the last thing that you'll get out of me
You want a Chippendale, you got an airedale [meal deal]
You want a Gladiator, I wanna see you later
'Cause I'm the greatest that ever lived
Got so much love and joy to give
So handsome and intelligent,
I'm the world's no. 1, suavest gent
But of course I'm not [x2]
I'm just an idiot.
[Piano solo]
'Cause I'm the greatest that ever lived
Got so much love and joy to give
So handsome and intelligent,
I'm the world's no. 1, suavest gent
But of course I'm not [x2]
I'm just an idiot.
So don't think that you will get an apology.

Magnet
Your magnet has got me in its pull
And I'm bent over backwards for you
Oh you're screwing up my life
But somehow it seems alright
And I know that when you go
You will leave a black, black hole
Oh you tell me that you're feeling insecure
But I'm feeling just as lonely as you are
Oh, this jealousy won't do
'Cause I am just as jealous as you
And I know that when you leave
You will take a part of me
I want to look into your mind,
See what I can find
A hidden part of you,
Something to hold on to
Yeah, yeah [x3]
Oh this jealousy won't do
'Cause I am just as jealous as you
And I know that when you go
You will leave a black, black hole
Yeah, yeah [x3]

Still Got That Feeling
Oh, that cheesy local discotheque where you and I first met
Has been knocked down
It's been knocked down
We used to kiss outside the back door
I wish that I could kiss you once more, but I can't
No I can't
So take a good look at my face
The lines you gave me I can't erase
Still got that feeling for ya girl
The cuddly toys you left on my bed
I wish you'd left yourself instead
But you didn't, oh you didn't
I put them in a plastic bag,
I was going to throw them out the back
But I couldn't
I try my best to stay sincere
But life's a black hole when you're not here
So take a good look at my face
The lines you gave me I can't erase
Still got that feeling for ya girl
I try my best to stay sincere
But life's a drag when you're not here
Still got that feeling for ya girl
Girl [echo]

Let Me Know
If you like my fingernails,
Or the way I sing my scales
Let me know [x2]
I've had a crush on you
Since 1862
Let me know [x2]
If you think that I'm pathetic
Then we can forget it
But if you don't then give me a call
I won't bite your head off
We can talk about our feelings and stuff
Let me know [x2]
{{If you're shy then that's okay
Get it over with today
Let me know [x2]
Don't wait 'til 2012
'Cause by then I'll be somebody else
Let me know [x2]
If you think that I'm a moron
Tell me, just don't go on
But if you don't just give me a call
I won't bite your head off
We can talk about our feelings and stuff
Let me know [x2]
I would dye my eyebrows green,
If it meant that you don't miss me}}
Let me know [x2]
[instrumental]
If you think that I'm a cretin
Then that is upsetting
But if you don't then give me a call
I won't bite your head off
We can talk about our feelings and stuff
Let me know [x2]

It Doesn't Matter Anymore
I used to be so hung up on myself
At the time it was such a big thing
Now it just seems like nothing
I've got my failings just like everyone else
But these days I'm philosophical
I take a back seat and say oh well
It's okay, it's alright
It doesn't matter anymore
It's okay, it's alright
It doesn't matter anymore
I got so used to expecting the worst
It washed off just like a tide mark
And somehow I got my old spark back
And now it's
It's okay, it's alright
It doesn't matter anymore
It's okay, it's alright
It doesn't matter anymore
I thought I had it all figured out, I know
But that was just the high before the low
Tomorrow is a whole new ball game
It leaves me feelin' optimistic
Maybe then it'll all click
It's okay, it's alright
It doesn't matter anymore
It's okay, it's alright

Everest
I bought a goldfish to keep me company
In these dark days when you're not here with me
I walk round Safeway on my own
Look in the freezer cabinet
See my reflection, and I'm all alone
{You dropped me like a satellite dropping from the sky
My tears could fill a swimming pool,
I break down in front of my macho friends and
I feel so uncool
I lie in the bath and think about your smile
Talk to myself and I'm ok. for a while}
You dropped me like a waitress drops a tray
My love for you is bigger than Everest
Baby, you're the best,
Your love for me is an afterthought
I was just a prototype
For the guy that you've now got
I watch the war film on Channel Four
I don't care if the hero gets his head blown off any more
I sit out the back underneath the stars,
Kick the heads off garden gnomes
And I wonder where you are
You dropped me like a goalie drops the ball
My love for you is bigger than Everest
Baby, you're the best,
Your love for me is an afterthought
Baby I was just a prototype
For the guy that you've now got
My love for you is bigger than Canada
Baby, it's bigger than a jumbo jet
You ain't seen nothing yet!
[Improvisation to fade]

Lyrics to the third album

Email me if you work out guitar/piano music to any of the songs.